Anne Frank

when i was much younger, i 've read ' The Diary of Anne Frank' only once but through and through.
Kill yourself if you don't know who is Anne Frank. Read the book once, you'll remember her forever.

Today i finished watching the movie production. This girl was in my mind when i went to Berlin but i scraped the plan to visit her memorial in Germany for some stupid reasons i do not want to admit here. Well i ended my stay in Germany feeling incomplete and unsatisfied.

Few days ago, i glanced through her diary again and flipped to her last entry. i wanted to remember the end of her story. i was lonely, i was pissed, i wanted to cry to shout to smile to be happy  so i went to someone i cant compare my troubles and fortune with to feel a little bit lightened.

Then i googled ' Anne Frank ' and found that there has been one single film production. my heart skipped a beat when i found out i could watch it by streaming.

" i want to continue living even after my death " was her famous quote. and i,  i want to live life with fire even if there's no spark, wood or air.

Anne could still be cheerful and lively being around the same 8 people for 2 years every minute of the day. I would be insane. i should live by her example, at least i must try. change a chair, say something nice.

yes i thought we'll all get bigger and wiser, but i don't know why i am getting smaller and smaller as if i am tearing myself apart bit by bit every new day. i am not fine anymore, the little burst of crazy n loudness i sometimes get have all gone. i feel i have no energy and my brain has concurred me with negativity. i always catch myself thinking of what i use to be, what i wanted myself to be, how my friends use to adore me, how i was happy. fun and laughters irritate me, i cant be amused at all, i have become a black cloud to me and the people around me. no joy kills joy, but don't blame  me, its enough i blame myself. i want to change badly, i want to have fun. i know things have change, a couple of winters have passed and i feel as if i've stayed under my blanket and did nothing.  i've changed, i've become too conscious i've stripped my self-esteem away. i've been taking deep breaths to washout all these unwanted thoughts.do not worry for me. i should be strong enough to handle it. its expected of me.

i feel better sometimes, especially when my acne's not flaring. it affects my mood greatly. i could smile more.
 I would stay at home and not go out on bad days. i don't think i will be cured.

Anne Frank was a very pretty girl. If the traitor had just tripped and fall and died earlier in history, Anne Frank would lived to be a writer and be one of my inspirations.