My Little Pony eat Mua Chi

yummy!

FATIGUE

Stupefy my heart to every day's monotony, 
Seal up my eyes, I would not look so far, 
Chasten my steps to peaceful regularity, 
Bow down my head lest I behold a star. 
Fill my days with work, a thousand calm necessities 
Leaving no moment to consecrate to hope, 
Girdle my thoughts within the dull circumferences 
Of facts which form the actual in one short hour's scope. 

Give me dreamless sleep, and loose night's power over me, 
Shut my ears to sounds only tumultuous then, 
Bid Fancy slumber, and steal away its potency, 
Or Nature wakes and strives to live again. 

Let each day pass, well ordered in its usefulness, 
Unlit by sunshine, unscarred by storm; 
Dower me with strength and curb all foolish eagerness -- 
The law exacts obedience. Instruct, I will conform. 

Amy Lowell ( 1874 - 1925 / Boston / United States)

i am ur frechenstein

sat evening, empty house.

stupidity

our teacher told us to go see a patient with podagra, thats usually and most of the time a painful growth of bone tissue on the big toe, left or right, haha. So, i was walking ahead of my groupmates and marched right into the patient's ward asking for him by the surname. We gathered around him like a semi circle. He was sitting on the sofa. He looked up and i, miss know-it-all-and-hurry-up, ordered him to remove his socks. He looked dumbfounded. Its a normal reaction for most patients when a bunch of non-russians in white coats appear from nowhere.And he asked " Both?" " Yes" i said and after he revealed a foot while looking very puzzled which made me feel the same too. We noticed there was nothing wrong with his foot. It was just unwashed. Then, he held up the hand he was using to remove the sock and very clearly said
" but i have pain in my hands "
Oh i have just embarrassed myself in front of everybody..............because podagra may also involve the hands.
Stupid me, miss know-it-all forgot the first and foremost question in medicine : Where is the pain?
There goes my focus, i couldn't ask anymore questions , i only wanted to get out and laugh.

to write about thyself

i hate to write about myself, really, but i have nothing much else to write about.
i also hate it when other people are full of themselves. but, we are all the same, really.

Anne Frank

when i was much younger, i 've read ' The Diary of Anne Frank' only once but through and through.
Kill yourself if you don't know who is Anne Frank. Read the book once, you'll remember her forever.

Today i finished watching the movie production. This girl was in my mind when i went to Berlin but i scraped the plan to visit her memorial in Germany for some stupid reasons i do not want to admit here. Well i ended my stay in Germany feeling incomplete and unsatisfied.

Few days ago, i glanced through her diary again and flipped to her last entry. i wanted to remember the end of her story. i was lonely, i was pissed, i wanted to cry to shout to smile to be happy  so i went to someone i cant compare my troubles and fortune with to feel a little bit lightened.

Then i googled ' Anne Frank ' and found that there has been one single film production. my heart skipped a beat when i found out i could watch it by streaming.

" i want to continue living even after my death " was her famous quote. and i,  i want to live life with fire even if there's no spark, wood or air.

Anne could still be cheerful and lively being around the same 8 people for 2 years every minute of the day. I would be insane. i should live by her example, at least i must try. change a chair, say something nice.

yes i thought we'll all get bigger and wiser, but i don't know why i am getting smaller and smaller as if i am tearing myself apart bit by bit every new day. i am not fine anymore, the little burst of crazy n loudness i sometimes get have all gone. i feel i have no energy and my brain has concurred me with negativity. i always catch myself thinking of what i use to be, what i wanted myself to be, how my friends use to adore me, how i was happy. fun and laughters irritate me, i cant be amused at all, i have become a black cloud to me and the people around me. no joy kills joy, but don't blame  me, its enough i blame myself. i want to change badly, i want to have fun. i know things have change, a couple of winters have passed and i feel as if i've stayed under my blanket and did nothing.  i've changed, i've become too conscious i've stripped my self-esteem away. i've been taking deep breaths to washout all these unwanted thoughts.do not worry for me. i should be strong enough to handle it. its expected of me.

i feel better sometimes, especially when my acne's not flaring. it affects my mood greatly. i could smile more.
 I would stay at home and not go out on bad days. i don't think i will be cured.

Anne Frank was a very pretty girl. If the traitor had just tripped and fall and died earlier in history, Anne Frank would lived to be a writer and be one of my inspirations.

new month, old vid, welcome winter, bye bye sun.